Console of the Month (July 2018) – Microsoft Xbox

A gamer’s one sided discussion with Microsoft circa 2000.

Hey Microsoft! Come join the party! It’s 2000 and video games are a billion dollar business in the United States alone! Who cares if an American company hasn’t released a home gaming console since the Atari Jaguar? You guys rock and your operating systems are bad-ass. Yeah, yeah, the Jaguar was a complete failure but Atari did have a nice run in the 1980s and they aren’t as diverse as you guys. I mean, with all the money you’re raking in for your OS, software, computers, etc., you can afford to lose a little money in this video game business while you establish cred. I’m certain with your fearless leader, Bill Gates & his team of engineers leading the charge, Microsoft can’t fail.

A gamer’s one sided discussion with Microsoft circa November 2001.

Whoa! You really did it! You released a video game console. I wasn’t sure if you were all just talk or if you had the balls to get into the arena! Let’s take a quick peek at it. Uh, wow, it’s really heavy and, uh, boxy. You weren’t joking around when you called it a “box”. Did you see that Nintendo released a cute little purple “cube” of its own? Oh you did? Duh, of course you did, I don’t know what I was thinking. Anyway, your console is massive compared to that but as the saying goes, bigger is better right (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)? Sorry, poor joke.

Oh, it’s graphically superior and that’s why it needed to be bigger? Cool, cool, I get it. And it has a DVD player just like Sony’s PlayStation 2? Ok, now we’re talking. Let’s see one of those controllers. Geez, good thing I have pretty big hands already because you definitely need them in order for this bulky controller to fit in them. Don’t take this the wrong way but I feel like your design could use a little finesse. It’s ok though. Maybe for your next console (muttered under breath), assuming you make it to another console, you take the approach that Sony did with the PS2 and allow it to sit upright. Just a suggestion. Take it or leave it. People seem to like that model though.

Let’s throw in a few of your launch titles. Hey, the games look good! “Halo” is fantastic! “Dead or Alive 3” is stellar! “Project Gotham Racing” is superb! You weren’t joking around with the graphic boast were you? So am I going to buy one? Well, the PlayStation 2 has already been out a whole year so I kind of already bought one of those and I also have a Nintendo Gamecube so I don’t really see a need to own an Xbox at this time. Exclusives? Well, yeah, I suppose if you released some additional exclusives for the Xbox I might consider it. Hope you’re not mad, but you’re an unknown commodity with zero track record when it comes to gaming so I think I’ll take a “wait and see” approach. No offense. Don’t worry, if the Xbox is successful, I will eventually buy one (muttered under breath), years later, second hand from a friend who wasn’t playing it anymore, and maybe even buy your next console while it is still in stores!

Well, I’m glad you were successful enough with your Xbox so that Sony, and to a lesser extent, Nintendo, would see some competition in the 21st century. I was sad to see Atari and then Sega disappear from console manufacturing but I’m happy than an American company picked up the slack. USA! USA!

Currently in my collection: console, HD AV cables, 2 original controllers and 2 model S controllers