Console of the Month (July 2018) – Sony PlayStation 2

Me (browsing the video game section at my local Best Buy in late 2000): “Hi Sony, good to see you! Can you believe that in your debut gaming effort, you just finished first in the most recent console race beating out both Sega and Nintendo! That’s amazing! I bought your inaugural console, the PlayStation, but truth be told, I didn’t really contribute to its initial success. I only bought a PlayStation in 1998, once it had established itself as the clear winner. I wasn’t interested in your console much when it first came out and for that I feel kind of bad. Its a great system.”

Sony: “Well, thank you young man. Your words are kind. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t buy our console when it launched or even within the first 2 years of its existence. Luckily there were plenty of other early adopters that allowed us to pull out ahead of the pack and never look back.”

Me: “The PlayStation was trendy and I was a total bandwagon jumper. I am man enough to admit I wasn’t sold on your console until everyone was. So anyway, what are you doing here?”

Sony: “It’s ok, you have a chance to make it up to us by buying our new console. The imaginatively named “PlayStation 2″. I’m here to promote it and show off why gamers need to trade in their blocky old gray Playstations for this sleek, new black and blue beauty here. It’s coming out this year and just the news that this bad boy was ready to go and complete with a DVD player essentially killed the Sega Dreamcast. I’m thinking the guys and gals at Sega hate us.”

Me: “Totally, can you blame them? They put out a decent but poorly marketed Saturn and you crush it. They get a head start on this gen with the Dreamcast and it’s amazing but now you’re watching it tank thanks to your smart business practices and stellar tech. I think Nintendo may hate you too. After they backed out of that deal to may the Nintendo PlayStation years ago and you subsequently crushed their Nintendo 64, they have to be a little worried that their upcoming Gamecube is going to suffer the same fate. It’s like they aren’t even trying! Who wouldn’t buy a game console that can also play the latest movie format, the DVD?”

Sony (chuckling in an increasingly snide manner): “Ha, ha….I don’t know. We don’t really mention the N-word around here.”

Me (nervously): “Ok, Sony…..heh, heh…..ummm so is your new console pretty much just like your old except better graphics and DVD capabilities?”

Sony (slightly defensive): “More or less. What else were you expecting?”

Me: “Nothing. I’m probably going to buy it as soon as I can find one in stores.”

Sony (mildly irritated): “Probably? I mean, what else are you going to buy? The Gamecube? The Xbox won’t be out until late next year if you want a console/DVD player. The PS2 is backwards compatible so you can play your meager PS collection on it as well. Don’t worry about availability. It will be there, no worries on that front. The manufacturing delays that everyone keeps going on about are greatly exaggerated.”

Me (a tad defensive as well): “I’m not trying to be wishy washy. I’ve only had a PlayStation for a couple of years…”

Sony (interrupting): “Who’s fault is that? The PlayStation had been around since 1995, you had three years to shit or get off the pot. Instead you kept playing that weak 16-bit dinosaur, the Super Nintendo.”

Me: “I was just a poor college kid when the PlayStation came out. I didn’t have the money to….”

Sony (interrupting again): “Save it. Or don’t. I don’t care. Our console is going to succeed with or without you, just like our last one did. You never buy a console at launch and rarely buy one until it’s at least been discounted. You need everyone else to assure you it’s worth buying and that it won’t be obsolete within a year.”

Me (visibly shaken by the turn in conversation): “Yes, I know. I am pathetic. I’m so sorry Sony. I’ve really enjoyed the PlayStation. I have no reason to doubt that the PlayStation 2 will be anything but a spectacular revelation and dominant force of the new millennium.”

Sony (nodding and smirking): “That’s it. Succumb to the will of the PlayStation. Just let us take over and ignore all other systems. They won’t last. Microsoft doesn’t have a clue about video gaming and Nintendo seems to be operating in a different universe. Sega is dying. It wouldn’t surprised me if the Dreamcast was their last console ever.”

Me: “Thank you for being so understanding. I won’t let you down Sony. I promise.”

Flash forward to the fall of 2001, back at the same Best Buy.

Me: “Maybe I’ll finally join this console generation after all. I did promise Sony a year ago that I would buy their PS2 at launch or shortly after, which I obviously didn’t do. But in my defense, those manufacturing delays were a lot more serious than he led on. Now I know someone wanting to unload their PS2 so they can buy an Xbox and it might finally be the time for me. I can get a complete console for well under MSRP now!”

Sony (lurking near the shelves, overhearing me talking to myself): “Fucking cheapskate.”

Currently in my collection – console w/ power cord, composite cables, manual and box plus 2 controllers (1 original black, 1 blue)

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